


ri(n)se and repeat

by identityv



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, please read chapter 3 of i'll pray for you! this is a direct follow-up to that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24279709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/identityv/pseuds/identityv
Summary: Mayoi relapses. Tatsumi finds out. Everything is over... or so Mayoi had feared.please read i'll pray for you! it's a lovely peek into mayoi's mindset. this can be read as a standalone hurt/comfort tatsumayo fic, but it's set directly after chapter three.
Relationships: Ayase Mayoi/Kazehaya Tatsumi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 68





	ri(n)se and repeat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mayoisan (rvnqn)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvnqn/gifts).
  * Inspired by [i'll pray for you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24177907) by [chocomissile (rvnqn)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvnqn/pseuds/chocomissile). 



Mayoi wasn’t sure himself what had started this entire mess. One moment he was lying in his bed, troubled thoughts preventing him from attaining well-deserved rest, and the next he was tearing down every single piece of progress he’d made over the last few weeks. It was fine. Everything was fine. Aira and Hiiro were asleep, and Tatsumi was at an overnight hospital stay, so Mayoi would have time to clean up this mess-

“...Mayoi-san?”

Oh no. Mayoi recognized that voice. Tearing his gaze away from his bloodied hands, he looks up with stinging eyes to the silhouette in the doorframe of their shared dorm. Even in the dark, it was easy to tell who it was, and he frantically held his hands behind his back, curled into a fetal position and quivering in distress. Tatsumi had found him, and he was going to punish him for failing.

...Except, that’s not at all what Tatsumi did. Mayoi quaked in fear as Tatsumi approached, but all the taller did was crouch before Mayoi’s bed, on the floor on his knees, soft concern etched on his features as he took in the state of the other and gave him the space he needed. Not even trying to touch him just yet. Mayoi was overwhelmed yet again by Tatsumi’s boundless kindness.

“Mayoi-san. Can I touch you?” A frantic shake of the head. “Okay. We’ll just talk, then. Can I help clean you up once you’re feeling calm?” A pause. And then a hesitant nod. “Okay.”

Mayoi whimpered as Tatsumi heaved himself up onto the bed, only daring to peek at the other once he was sure he wasn’t going to be touched. The other was seated at the opposite end of his bed, though the smallness of the bunk bed forced them to be a little bit closer together anyway.

He scrunched his nose a little. He doubted Tatsumi noticed it himself, but the sterile stench of hospital always, always clung to the man’s skin whenever he came home from checkups or overnight stays. Speaking of… It took Mayoi a moment to find his voice again, but once he did, the first thing he uttered was, “...I thought you were supposed to come back tomorrow afternoon…”

Tatsumi’s smile grew a tad pained. “...Yes, well.. I suppose we both disappointed ourselves today, didn’t we?” He looked away. “...I left. Like a child throwing a tantrum because he wasn’t getting what he wanted. I was supposed to be working on physical therapy. Strengthening my muscles. But it hurt so much… So I left.”

Mayoi was silent. He really didn’t know how to respond to that. Perfect, holy Tatsumi. The hard-working, always-smiling Tatsumi, fleeing from his responsibility? It was a breathtaking wake-up call to the man’s humanity. If Tatsumi wasn’t perfect, then… then maybe it was okay if Mayoi wasn’t perfect either?

“I… couldn’t stand it anymore.” Mayoi finally spoke up after a while, gaining Tatsumi’s attention. “The-... It’s… I-It’s hard to explain, Tatsumi-san… The filth running beneath my skin. I wanted it out. I  _ needed _ it out.”

Maybe Tatsumi would never understand. Mayoi hardly understood either. He was doing so well, and then the thoughts reared their ugly heads at his most vulnerable, and then his skin was painted red with his sin.

“...Mayoi-san..” Tatsumi murmured. “...I.. can’t say I know what you’re going through. But I want to. I really,  _ really _ want to. Because I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time Tatsumi had said that to him, but it was as exhilarating as it was horrifying as the first time he said it. The desire to love and understand him; Mayoi didn’t understand any of that. But there was a part of him that was warmed to his core just from the sentiment.

Hesitantly, Tatsumi held his hand out. “Mayoi-san. Can we get you cleaned up? I’m worried about you.”

Ah, that was right. He hadn’t even given Tatsumi a chance to assess the damage. “I-I-I… I don’t want you to see it, much less touch it..! If… If you touch me right now, y-you’ll fall from grace for sure.”

“I want to help you.”   
  


“But-”

“Mayoi-san, please let me help you.”

Tatsumi.. was unexpectedly stubborn, wasn’t he? But Mayoi wanted his help. Oh, how desperately he wanted Tatsumi’s help... 

Mayoi reached out without thinking, shaking as he accepted Tatsumi’s hand. Oh, no. What had he done? He watched in disgust as his blood smeared onto the other’s hand, but Tatsumi didn’t seem to mind as he gently stood up from the bed to lead Mayoi to the bathroom.

Mayoi sat on the toilet, in a daze as he watched Tatsumi kneel before him, humming a soft tune as he carefully, diligently cleaned all of Mayoi’s wounds. Maybe it was  _ Kiss of Life _ , or maybe it was something else entirely. He wasn’t sure. He could hardly even feel the sting of the hydrogen peroxide that Tatsumi was using. All he could think about was how wrong this was; Mayoi was supposed to be the one on his knees for Tatsumi. Praying for forgiveness. Or perhaps something else entirely.

Mayoi whimpered as he watched Tatsumi lean in, a tender kiss pressed to the back of Mayoi’s hands once the other had finished his work.

“Mayoi-san… I said I didn’t understand how you felt before, but that’s not entirely true. I… I understand how it feels to be doing well, and then suddenly crashing again. The disappointment. Guilt at your  _ friends _ being disappointed. But… I’m not disappointed in you.”

“..You… You’re not..?”

Tatsumi’s smile was blinding. He had to look away. “No. I’m not, at all. Because I know you can grow from this. Next time, you’ll tell me when you’re feeling bad, right? Even when I’m busy?”

How could Tatsumi have so much faith in him? “..I-I don’t… know if I can promise that.”

“You don’t have to. I just want you to promise you’ll at least try. We can think of something you can do instead of hurting yourself together.”

“..Okay. I’ll try to talk to you instead.”

“Mm, good. Now, let’s get some sleep, shall we? I’m sorely in need of the comfort of someone else tonight… so I was hoping my favorite person would be able to fill that role.”

Mayoi felt the edges of his lips quirk up into a small smile. Even in the darkest times, Tatsumi always found a way to be his light. Maybe things weren’t alright right now, but they could be, couldn’t they?

“...I can do that, Tatsumi-san..”

**Author's Note:**

> beryl i looooove you  
> here you go <3
> 
> thank you to everyone who read this... i hope you enjoy :}


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